my Marie

Long Lost Letters about my lost Peekay.

I found these letters today. They were written when my dog Peekay died. I had not started creating urns yet, but the seed of it was in there. I also wanted to mention that I mentioned sweet Lakota in one of the letters, and now she is gone as well (last week).

Sometimes there is such a weight...

I just wanted to say thank you for all your words of comfort and advice last week. You brought me down from panic more than once and made the process much easier. When I saw how Peekay was suffering I knew that the choice was not there for me. He was too far gone. I held him as he went. I just hope I was able to give him some comfort in that last hour. He was life to me. He was my heart and my home. We were a team. Looking back now, I think he was my safety and my security, for all I have gone through in the last 8 years he was the constant that I could rely on. My home feels so empty now. It's going to be awhile. But let me tell you, I have so many pictures of him out that someone walking into my house might think I was quite crazy! I got his ashes back today. They came in a can, who knew? I will build him something to rest his body in. I know his spirit is elsewhere, somewhere where he can play with his damn basketball all day long, but the selfish part of me wants him still next to me. Thank you for your love and support, Alex

to Kelly 9-19-01

Thank you for all your phone messages. It's been a hard time. I dont think I even told you he didn't make it. It's been so very painful and so disconcerting. I was so unprepared for it all. I had to put him to sleep. He was in pain and suffering. When I saw him, I knew there was no other option. I held him in my arms as he went. Leaving his body there on the floor with all those bright lights and cold vet office was the hardest. I covered him with a towel I had brought with my scent on it to give him comfort. I loved him so very much. I was in love with him. Not your regular run of the mill dog, that's for sure. I just hope I brought him enough happiness. I'm trying not to think of the times I wasn't there for him. It's life, I know, still it's hard. So very, very strange. The house is so empty. I spent my first night here alone last night. Fortunately, Lakota, Leonard's dog was here so I could feel a presence in the house. I cannot imagine being totally alone here. I don't want to face it. Not to mention that I'm afraid of the dark. This has been a long, hard two years. I'm ready for it to be over. I will always carry him in my heart with me. I loved him so very, very much. The loss is such a big weight in the center of my being. I know your prayers are with me and I thank you for it.
love,
Alex

Expressing how you feel to a friend can be so helpful. If you don't have anyone you thing would understand, you can just write your letter to get the words out. Maybe send it to a blog. Maybe just keep it for yourself. it will still help to simple get the feelings out.

Sharing helps make you stronger.





























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